Reasons

• I find myself still in "monitoring" mode with him...silently questioning and doubting everything he says and doesn't say. If we were together, I would always be wondering if he were telling me the truth. On his days off, I would always be wondering what he was doing and who he was with. I would wonder how he spends his money. I can't live like that.


• I know that I will always be on edge with him, waiting for the other shoe to drop as it pertains to his addiction. I would never be able to truly relax and be at ease with him in my life, and I am just not willing to live that way.


• He lies. Not just outright, which is definitely a violation, but also by omission of facts...which is still lying nonetheless. In fact, most of the time I just don't know when he's being honest. And it's impossible to have any kind of relationship with a liar.


• He is selfish. If it's not about him, he doesn't want to hear about it. I can't have a relationship with a selfish person.


• He lacks empathy for others unless it serves his own specific purposes.


• He is unable to see the other side of things; he can't handle conflict or differences of opinions without getting personally upset or extremely defensive.


• He's immature. Most men are, in one way or another...but he's REALLY immature.


• My family would never accept him; his family would probably never accept me, either.


• I want babies someday; he doesn't. Even if he did, would he be a reliable father? Not sure about that.


• His financial life is in shambles and will probably take years to fix. No savings, bad credit, outstanding debts, etc. He could possibly ruin my financial situation, which I have worked extremely hard to maintain.


• Possible sex/porn addiction? Down the road, would he neglect me for the "quick fix" of porn? Don't know, but not willing to take the chance.


• He smokes; I don't think I could have any kind of long-term relationship with a smoker.


• I drink, although only very occasionally and never to excess. He may never be comfortable with that.


• Not sure if I could ever really get past/let go of all the things he did to me during his active addiction: the cheating, the manipulation, the neglect, the anger, the attitude he gave me, the lies.


• I will never come first in his life, whether or not he is in active addiction. When he is, the drugs would come first; when he's clean and sober, his sobriety and N.A. activities would come first.