11/10/1997

And again...

As I said, when it's good, it's spectacular. Unfortunately, if it's only good 35% of the time, it's ultimately not enough to satisfy me.

So last Saturday night, November 1, I told him that I wanted to see other people. I had a date that night with Chris M., a guy from my Spanish class. I also told David about that. He didn't seem to care at first, but when I left his house, he slammed the front door behind me so hard that the whole house shook.

Then I called him on Wednesday, November 5, to make arrangements to pick up all the stuff I'd left at his house. He told me to come over. His uncle Jude and he were hanging out and he asked me to stay for a bit. Must admit, I know I looked REALLY hot. So I stayed.

The first thing he noticed was that we were both wearing the silver CK One friendship rings, and he seemed surprised and happy that I was still wearing mine.

Then he started a little pillow fight with me. Jude left the room to go to the bathroom, and David grabbed me and kissed me. I pulled away, saying, "Yo, man, what's up with THAT?"

He just said, "Well, it seemed like the thing to do." He went on to say that he didn't know why things always got bad with us, and that I drive him crazy, and after not seeing me for a few days and that hanging out like this with me made him remember only the good stuff, and forget about the bad shit.

Jude left eventually. Then David said, "So, how was your DATE?"

I politely edged around it somehow. Then he said it. He said, "Don't worry, I love you for who you are."

I looked at him and got up and said, "OK, I'm leaving now," because I felt he had insulted me. Plus he was also trying to look down my shirt, and it was really pissing me off. I walked out of his bedroom but hesitated in the hallway. Then I went back into his room and stood there at the door. He sat there and finally said, "What? I said that I love you...what's so wrong with that?"

I went to him and said nothing. I started to kiss him. We lit "our" candle (the one from Tracie's wedding) and began to undress each other. I knew it wasn't right, because he's not the one for me, but I can't explain it. I guess I just wanted to pretend for a while.

He looked at me so sadly and said, "Please come back to me, just for a while."

I slowly shook my head "no." But we kept kissing, and of course, wound up making love.

Over and over, he told me, "I love you...I love you...I'll always love you...I'll go to my grave loving you..."