Over and Out
It's over now. This chapter of my life is over. I feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted from me.
I bit the bullet and changed my cell phone number this morning. I feel much better already.
He doesn't have any of my email addresses.
He doesn't know where I live, other than the name of the town, which is 30 miles from where he lives. And he has no car.
My home phone number is unlisted.
I don't think he'd ever try to call me at work. He probably doesn't even remember the name of my company. He has a general idea where my office is located, but he doesn't know specifically where it is.
I'm certain he doesn't remember the URL of this blog. Or the URL of my other everyday blog, though he posted on it before, almost one year ago.
I wonder what thoughts will go through his mind the next time he decides he wants to call me, and he hears that automated voice telling him that my cell phone number--the same cell phone number I've had since I was in college!!--has been disconnected.
Will he understand why I did it?
Will he try to find a way to come to me?
Or will he just accept it, shrug it off, and move on?
I don't know. But I'm going to have to be OK with not knowing. There are some things in life that none of us is meant to understand.
The real test for me will be to ensure that I never pick up the phone and call him. I still know how to get in touch with him, with his family. I still know where he works. I am going to have to force myself to forget these things, so that I'm never tempted to reach out to him again. It would be too dangerous for me. I have deleted all his phone numbers from my cell phone. Hopefully I will forget them soon enough. It would be much easier that way.
I'm still keeping this blog, though. The fact that I've blocked all avenues of his ability to contact me directly doesn't mean that he's no longer my soulmate. I will always believe that he is, but the obstacles he faced were too much for him to overcome. I still expect to write about him, about my memories of him.
I will love him from a distance, same as I've been doing for the past six years until September 12, 2006, the night of the concert when I let him back into my heart for real.
I bit the bullet and changed my cell phone number this morning. I feel much better already.
He doesn't have any of my email addresses.
He doesn't know where I live, other than the name of the town, which is 30 miles from where he lives. And he has no car.
My home phone number is unlisted.
I don't think he'd ever try to call me at work. He probably doesn't even remember the name of my company. He has a general idea where my office is located, but he doesn't know specifically where it is.
I'm certain he doesn't remember the URL of this blog. Or the URL of my other everyday blog, though he posted on it before, almost one year ago.
I wonder what thoughts will go through his mind the next time he decides he wants to call me, and he hears that automated voice telling him that my cell phone number--the same cell phone number I've had since I was in college!!--has been disconnected.
Will he understand why I did it?
Will he try to find a way to come to me?
Or will he just accept it, shrug it off, and move on?
I don't know. But I'm going to have to be OK with not knowing. There are some things in life that none of us is meant to understand.
The real test for me will be to ensure that I never pick up the phone and call him. I still know how to get in touch with him, with his family. I still know where he works. I am going to have to force myself to forget these things, so that I'm never tempted to reach out to him again. It would be too dangerous for me. I have deleted all his phone numbers from my cell phone. Hopefully I will forget them soon enough. It would be much easier that way.
I'm still keeping this blog, though. The fact that I've blocked all avenues of his ability to contact me directly doesn't mean that he's no longer my soulmate. I will always believe that he is, but the obstacles he faced were too much for him to overcome. I still expect to write about him, about my memories of him.
I will love him from a distance, same as I've been doing for the past six years until September 12, 2006, the night of the concert when I let him back into my heart for real.
posted by Anonymous at 12/21/2006 11:55:00 AM
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