11/21/2006

Last night, David was supposed to have been with me. We had planned it over a month ago. R. was on a business trip and would be gone until tonight.

The plan was that I would pick David up from work and bring him back to my house. I was going to cook for him: filet mignon, baked potatoes, green beans amandine, crusty Italian bread. And then we would have all night together to kiss, touch, lick, suck, nibble, explore, undress each other by candlelight, bathe together in my oversized tub, and make slow, sweet love to each other, then fall asleep, completely sated, tangled up in each other's arms.

I had been looking forward to last night since early October.

Instead, yesterday marked the twelfth day that I have not heard from David at all.

Last night, I took a long, hot bubble bath in that oversized tub, surrounded by candles, all by myself. I closed my eyes and desperately tried to imagine that he was there with me. But it just wasn't the same.

I am so unspeakably angry and sad that that experience was taken away from me. I didn't even have a choice in the matter.

When will I get over him? Does he even think about me?

I admit I broke down this morning and called his foreman's cell phone. Yes, big risk, I know. When Ron answered, I told him it was me, that I was sorry for bothering him on his cell phone, but would it be much trouble if I could speak to David for just a minute?

Ron chuckled humorlessly and said, "I wish I could help you, but Dave didn't show up for work this morning. If I see him tomorrow, I'll let him know you called."

I replied, "Oooookay...not what I was expecting to hear. Thanks!" and quickly hung up.

He must be having some issues, then. David is a total workhorse and the only times I've ever known him to not go to work (and not call ahead to let them know) is when he's been on a binge.

I wish I could help him. But I can't. Only he can help himself. And I know he's back with Christine. And I know that she's no good for him.

I am so helpless.